Don’t give a lecture to someone who needs a hug.
In this moment words are flying through my head, but typing it all out seems almost impossible. Do you ever just wish you could have a written script of your thoughts?
7:45pm on a Thursday, my 2 year old just went down without a fuss after a sleepless night last night, I’ve got a glass of Pinot Nior in a plastic cup sitting outside enjoying some peace and quiet. Scrolling through Facebook I saw this
“Don’t give a lecture to someone who needs a hug”
and it hit a lot harder than I anticipated. More than I’d like to admit, this happens. You have a bad day, something feels off, You feel crappy… you’re told “Get over it” “Better yourself” “Change something” “Stop talking about it and move on”
It’s 👏 not 👏 that 👏 easy 👏
I’m quickly approaching 30, and in my 30 years of life I’ve gone through and experienced more than I ever imagined. One thing I’ve learned is ITS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY. Cliché, right? As much as I hate to let that Pinterest quote hold relevance, it does. Whether it be a couple minutes, a few hours or days.. heck, even months or years. IT’S OK.
I’ve been the friend to tell you you’re wrong, to get up and dust yourself off. I thought anxiety and depression were just a self made mindset that you chose to stay in... Until I caught myself in the middle of a divorce, crying on my moms gravestone that hadn’t even been engraved yet. I drove home listening to Billy Currington’s “It don’t hurt like it used to" on repeat. (If you're a former English Language teacher of mine and I didn't quote that song right.. I didn't want to open google to double check, im tired 😂)
Up until then I thought building walls was a good thing. I thought lack of emotion meant strength. Today I sit here as the person who needs a hug, probably more often than not. I’ve learned to always be that person as much as I can. Tough love is one thing, but being a shoulder to cry on, a warm hug to embrace, and unbiased mind to listen is something that is irreplaceable. A lecture has it’s time and place, don’t get me wrong, but a hug can help heal the heart. Read your person. Feel their energy. Know when their heart has had enough.
Get to know me?
Since my blog is new and this is my first post on the subject I should probably give some background. I married my high school sweetheart in 2014 at 20 years old. My mom committed suicide on Thanksgiving 2016 as my marriage was at its ending point. In 2017 I dropped out of college and moved back to my safe place -Okoboji- and have continued to build and rebuild myself up since then. I've lost too many friends to suicide and too many family members to alcoholism. I'm not asking for a pitty party. It's my life, I'm learning and growing every day. I’m now a proud momma to a 2 year old (in October) and a bonus momma to the best 7 year old boy I’ve ever met and a doggo momma X3.
I honestly have so many days where just getting up and getting going for the day are a struggle. I have the absolute best group of friends and family to support me, even on the worst of days. I continue to try to be the best mom I can, the best friend I can, and the best significant other I can. Some days a stupid Frozen Turtle Latte brings up memories of when my mom tried one for the first time and told me I was right (mom saying you’re right.. score!) and I’m a mess for either a few minutes or the whole day. I’ve build my army and my support system strong enough that no matter if I need a lecture or a hug, they are there and they know what is fitting.
I guess what im really trying to get out of this is that you never truly know someone else’s internal struggle. Be kind. Be loving. Be accepting. Before you judge, listen.. and even if you feel like judging still, imagine if that were you. No two people have the same stories. No two people love the same, grieve the same, or heal the same. I TRULY, never saw myself where I am today. I studied Psychology and still didn’t fully grasp how anxiety, depression, grieving and addiction work until I experienced it all on my own. If you're reading this.. thank you. I love hugs, and if you need one, odds are I do too.
Don’t give a lecture to someone who needs a hug.
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